As a wedding photographer, I am at weddings all the time for work. Even just as a millennial in her late 20s, I’m at weddings all the time because #friends. And I still cry every time I see a bride walking down the aisle. #Imasoftie. What I’ve learned over the years is that there are tips to be the best wedding guest you can be.

So as a professional wedding attendee and as we go into fall which is high wedding season for San Francisco, lemme give you 9 ways to be a rockstar wedding guest that’ll be good for you, the happy couple, and the planet.

Wedding Guest Etiquette 101

Ready to be the best wedding guest at the party? Here’s your guide:

1. RSVP on time. And don’t be afraid to say no. It’s Gucci if you can’t come. But it helps them to know well ahead of their big day.
2. Be thorough and prepared. Don’t text the couple directly with your questions – it’s probably an FAQ! See if the information is already on the wedding website or invitation. Wondering what to wear to a wedding? Mind the dress code. All of the important deets will be listed right there to help you follow the wedding guest rules. But you can do even more: Google the venue, see if it’s the right choice to wear stilettos. Go for wedges if it’ll be outdoors in a grassy area. Considering gentlemen, go for airier linens if it’s a summer wedding or take off your coat during the ceremony and have it later for the indoor reception. Also, for those hot temps: stay hydrated.
3. Let’s talk transportation. Carpooling to a wedding is eco-friendly and you can arrive to the wedding with your crew. Or use a rideshare app if you know you’ll be drinking. If it’s a destination wedding, stay at an energy-efficient LEED certified hotel. 
4. Get there on time. One of the cardinal wedding guest rules is to not be late. Better to be 30 minutes early than late. Even better? Arrive early and offer to help out.
5. When they say get on the dance floor, get on the dance floor! For real, you know the DJ will be cranking out the jams, so get ready to groove.

What it Takes to Be A Rockstar Guest

6. It takes a village to plan a wedding, so be sure to pay your dues to the crew involved. Tip the bartenders, be kind to the wait staff, tell the photographers and videographers that they are crushin’ it. 

7. Weddings bring people together and love is in the air. But one big no-no and wedding guest mistake is hitting on the staff. Just don’t do it; they are working with #drunkgroomsmen. 

8. Buy a gift. Give the 60-20-20 rule a try. That’s where you spend 60% of your overall gift budget on the wedding gift, 20% on a shower gift, and 20% for the engagement gift. Speaking of budgeting, since many weddings are now destination weddings truly consider the numbers. Budget for everything from flights and accommodations to bachelor and bachelorette parties and gifts. Budget for your outfit and follow the wedding dress code and either buy new attire that is ethical, or buy second hand. If it’s not feasible for you, don’t feel guilty about saying no. You don’t have to say yes to every wedding. When in doubt, follow the classic wedding guest rules: Politely decline but still send a gift.

9. Want to be the best wedding guest the happy couple invited? Then be present. Get off your phone and meet the people around you. These are special people to your special people. Stay until the exit. They say that there are only two times when all of your favorite people are in one room: at your wedding and at your funeral. And only one of them you get to party at. 

There you go! Follow this wedding guest etiquette to be the best wedding guest ever, because after all, come your big day you’ll want amazing guests, too, right? Pay it forward. 

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planning: Ybarra Events

venue: Stable Cafe

florals: Ampersand

Are you a pro wedding guest? Drop your best wedding guest tips in the comments below! And don’t forget to browse the wedding archives for more tips.