How To Take Back Your Life: Tips for Overworked Women
Do any of you ever feel overstretched, overworked and straight up burned out? Shout out to you solopreneurs! As a photographer, designer, and muti-passionate creative, I have definitely felt this many times. That’s why I sat down to chat with the amazing Kate Blake after her personal branding photo shoot. Kate is an executive coach who shared her expertise on how to gain control over your life, especially if you’re an overworked woman. Check out the video below from the ComePlum IGTV channel for 5 tips to take back your life:
Praise: Okay, we’re now live. Hello everybody coming to you from the phone call room at the Assembly, it is not even 9 o’clock on a Wednesday morning so I’m really proud of us for being here! Sometimes you just have to have a little achievement saying, “you did it!” All right, I’m awake, the sun is out and it’s shining. So, I’m here with my friend Kate, who’s also a member here at the Assembly, and she runs a program called, “Women: Your Owner’s Manual,” which sounds incredible and she’s an executive coach that helps walk women through that curriculum and so she and I had a personal branding photo shoot, was it last week? So yeah yeah and she killed it, and so I can’t wait to share those photos with you, but I also wanted to tap into her brain to get some 411 that’s just helpful for all of us as we walk through this just a few minutes ago, it’s a lot of head nodding and I was vibing with a lot of, I can’t wait to share some of this. So, are any of you overstretched but then overworked, burnt out? Kate has five tips for leaders who are overstretched of how you can take back your life. So, start this off with the first one I really love this one!
Kate: Okay, I’m gonna do that but first didn’t want to say I know most of you probably already know this but Praise is amazing and what she does, I hate having my picture taken actually, that’s an old version of me, I’m learning to really love having my picture taken mostly because you just made it so fun and so any of you need personal branding pictures, here’s your gal: do this, do this!
Anyway, um part of that is because, as women I think we need to support each other and help raise the collective and the work that you’re doing is so important and the way that you approach in how you supported me was amazing, so I just wanted to say you and yeah so we’re talking about the five shifts.
The first one, there’s a webinar that I have so if you’re interested in that, I will put the link in the bottom of this, you can watch the whole thing but just a quick sort of overview the first one is:
As a culture and as women I think we’ve been taught that thinking for ourselves makes us selfish, self-centered and narcissistic, and all these negative words, and the reality is, the women that I work with, and I think most women, we’ve got a lot of energy and we serve a bunch of people in our lives. We hold space for just so much, so much and I think it’s irresponsible actually to not take care of yourself.
I want to switch that and pop it on its head because most of the women I know are the center spoke of their lives, not only with their family but also at work, with friends, with setting up what they’re gonna do and how they’re gonna do it. They’re managing so much and we’re depleted, there’s no way we can show up as the best version of ourselves, so not only that happens and then what we do is we’re just caught in the cycle of “I am depleted” which means, I show up as less than what would be ideal for myself and now I’m gonna use that as evidence about how “I’m not enough” or how “I’m failing” or look at how are we gonna beat myself up about it. To just break that cycle entirely it means I have to operate inside of the knowing what is inside of me, it’s not about self-centered ego, the knowing is about community and connection and love, and when I operate from there, then it is inclusive, but I have to start here because I have to feed this and know who I am, which then will turn into a few more of the other steps.
Praise: Mm-hmm, yeah so it’s like knowing who you are and not just doing things because you “should” do things
Kate: Yeah, I think often of like Maya Angelou such a great example from yeah cuz that woman just man it just oozed added her love and connection and community and respect and it just yeah and you would not mess with her on your like bravest day, she was like oh like there was a fierceness about the way, she’s a queen, right? And the way she walked into a room she was responded to in a way because of how she held herself no words the way that we emanate how is, she knew who she was and such a great example for so many of us.
Praise: Yeah, so knowing who you are, adjust that crown a little bit, you know stand up tall. I like it, and then, operating as the Queen kind of dives into your schedule too, right?
Kate: Completely, so the next one is:
Which is really important because it’s learning how to say no, learning how to set boundaries you know often we think no is like oh god it’s like it’s such a hard thing for us to do really sometimes it can just be no not right now. So, yes I’m about to help you with that. 1: if I do this right now, here’s what has to move off my plate in order for that to happen. So, boss, partner whomever, help me prioritize. Or, maybe just you know your own schedule and you can say you know I’m going to help you with that and I can’t do it until Friday yeah where I can do which I so we’re still really in the communion with each other but there’s a there’s a respect for your time and where you’re just not like this ever giving ever always like no other space around it um sound a little bit earlier about a lot of my clients we spend a lot of the day going meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to not have the door to get the kids to get them and a half dinner to make sure they get home her to get them in bed to probably, do a little bit more work because I’m still behind to get up in the morning to rise and do it all over again.
I know you said women often do have the energy of doing 2-3 people’s jobs outside and it’s true. Here’s my question: I know that you can do that, do you still want to let me slow it down enough so there’s a choice because when we’re doing that all day long we’re not living our lives. We’re executing, it feels empty and lonesome and isolating and so if I can even do something as simple as, I only now have half-hour meetings with that data this is that means people need to show up prepared that means you’re gonna give me an agenda that means you’re gonna follow through. What it is that we’re doing together that means we’re gonna hold each other accountable to this time and space so that you get enough for right now and then we move on and we continue. Right, so when we do that then clients of mine had an hour to, sometimes three hours a day to learn what to choose, where to turn, what to do with it. So in there that’s the biggest thing on, how do I have more choice in my life how do I actually get to execute in a way where the knowing inside of me is actually in choosing words to step in, instead of an in reaction all day long and just putting out fires.
Praise: Yeah, wouldn’t that be incredible!
Kate: Instead of having no time to having 1-3 hours of your life back simply by saying no. Or, like my friend says her magic phrase is “I’m not available for that” so it’s like not offensive but it’s literally saying the truth, I just can’t do that. I had such a hard time for so long saying no to people because I’m so long helping I can usually get tonight whatever so my default because people would start asking me something before they even get out of the mouth, I’m like “yeah, of course.” Now my default is “let me check my calendar and I’ll get back to you by the end of the day.” So, whether that’s true or not it gives me the space to go, “hmm do I want to do the thing they’re asking me? Yes or no?” So, there again there’s choice inside of it instead of the default, “let me help, let me help.”
Praise: I love it, also hi Stephanie and hi Angela! I see you waving! Okay, so then I love this phrasing under a third point of how to take back your life; there’s a secret weapon so give us that secret. What is that secret weapon to take back your life?
Kate: I find the thing that’s most important is the secret weapon is creating partnerships in your life. Like I said, most women that I work with operate in “I am sort of the lone woman on the island and I’ve got to do it all” and there’s some kind of proving energy. We’ve labeled asking for help as weakness. What I love to do is switch that concept up: Of course you need help, because you are on a mission to change the world and to do things in a really big way that might be inside of your family, or with you and yourself. We need community, as women, we would never set up to do this all on our own. We’ve always thrived in community and connection and support and helping each other and it’s such a big, there’s such a hole in our culture where we are right now; we’ve lost our responsibility to each other and our sense of community in connection and this feminine leadership leans us back in that way. We have a little bit more balance so the partnership idea is not about 50/50, it’s about:
Praise: I remember you saying it’s about asking what you can delegate out, so that I can have the other times in my life back that they give me life, right?
Kate: Yeah, I mean as we do who are delegating things helping the person who’s receiving something new, they’re growing, they’re learning and stretching and they’re developing new things so it’s a win for everybody! There’s often ways that we want to control everything, to learn how to be perfect, because we have these expectations about ourselves that even when our spouse or a partner says “hey, let me load the dishes or let me fold the laundry,” and our reaction is “I know you don’t do it right.” When you could use that time instead for what you choose to invest in. Being present with your kids, taking a bath, going for a walk with the dog, whatever it is that you want to feed yourself… who gives a darn about the dishwasher?
Praise: Really, at the end of the day, how do we choose again where am I investing my energy, what is it that I’m doing and how is it that I I mean what do I need to shift exactly? Okay, I want to be really mindful of time too because I mean she has delegated her time to me and I want to respect that so there are two more points and then we’re gonna wrap it up. The next one I really love. To review, to take back your life the steps are: operating as a queen, honoring your time, creating partnerships and what is the fourth one?
Kate: Well, the creating partnerships one leads really nicely into this next one which is:
Because often people will show up for us and we’ve discounted or dismissed it. You know many of us are really familiar with this feeling of, “I just had a party and we’ve got a lot of people around there let me help you clean up” “No, no I got ya” or “I love that outfit you got on”, “oh, this old thing?”
We discount it. What does it mean to be supported? What does it mean to honor the gift of what is being offered to me? Which is a compliment or a connection or a touch or a way, so really learning how to receive is such an important aspect of all the rest of Operating as the Queen. I’m monitoring your time of all this pieces right and then the last one I’ll just really quickly touch on is:
So, the things that I’m talking about are not small shifts because we’ve all been operating usually for years in a different way, with different beliefs, so we need support in being able to make these shifts and what if that looks like working with a coach or having someone in your family or having someone you look up to; whoever it is, it’s the support around making those shifts.
Praise: I love that because again, we operate in silos, we can’t just do all this stuff on our own, it’s asking for help and, which is an awesome transition because if you’re in that stage of life where you do need a coach and especially if you want to go to this curriculum with Kate you can go to www.6xproject.com/apply and set up a meeting with her and it’ll be just like our little Instagram live but you just get to talk, so then it’s: investing in mentorship, being open to receiving, creating partnerships, honoring your time. and that’s how you can operate as a queen and take back your life from being overstretched!
Kate: Yeah, yeah.
Praise: I love it, okay…
Kate: That’s a really good memory.
Praise: Well yeah I did not know I have my notes right here so I can’t totally take all the credit but, I receive that compliment, see how I’m being open to receiving? I’m applying it right now.
Kate: You just go, “that’s true.”
Praise: Mmm, that’s true, yes, I like that. Ok well then, that’s it, do you have anything else to add?
Kate: I just think that we are in a really desperate moment in history where I think we can see all around us the need for feminine leadership where we’ve all committed to this kind of I’m driving the masculine and it’s all about me and winner-take-all and it’s really hurting us and so, I think as women, when we can reconnect to what intuitively we already know and bring that forward instead of trying to operate inside of a system that’s pretty broken, both for us and for men, I’m excited about what our future looks like. So, we’ll put the link in if you wanna have further conversation I would love to do that with anyone, so I’ll put the link in the comments thing and also, enter the webinar if you want to watch the whole thing.
Praise: Okay, awesome! Alright, thanks everybody! I’m actually gonna put that right now so when I say hi and hi, and then let’s see if it works. Ok, that’s it, bye, happy Wednesday everybody!
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